Time is a River vs. Time is Money

"Time is not a line, but a series of now-points." - Taisen Deshimaru

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"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely." - Auguste Rodin

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"Time has no division to mark its passage, there is never a thunderstorm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire pistols." - Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

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Okay, so I am admitting here for all to read that I have a problem with time. If I allow life to unfold as it will, moving from one "now-point" to another without judgement from myself or others, life for me progresses smoothly. I may not accomplish all that I think that I should in a given day or meet the expectations of others, but, all in all, it is a good day. Perhaps this is why I have harbored the fantasy of being a writer and working on MY time!

I have lived the past sixty years and particularly, those years of school and work, within the parameters of time as a necessity to meet goals for the greater good. As a child, student, nurse, wife, and mother, time has been the master of my day. Out of respect for others' needs and my own as well, there will always be a need for time based structure and orientation.

What I have yet to master is how to allow life to unfold as it will and meet my obligations for using the time of others to meet their requirements and obtain the services, relationships, and care I need in a stress free manner. How do I calculate and allow that time for the unexpected? Or, how do I manage the unexpected and still respect and fulfill my obligation to be on time for timed events?

Perhaps it is enough that I am attempting to reconcile the difference in perception of others and myseld that I disregard the necessity of timliness versus the reality of factoring in the multitude of possible interfering variables, such as, difficulty in managing departure and containment of our dog, difficulties in securing the new locking mechanism in my SUV, surprise bowel or bladder problems, difficulty in bathing or dressing on "spastic" days, and so on.

This struggle is one that impacts my willingness to make plans with others...and it is not a new problem. I think I lean a little more toward the "time is a river" personal value over the "time is money" belief. After living most of my life in the "time is money" organizational employment realm, it is tempting to forgo all time restraints in this stage of life. However, I know I have to succeed at surmounting this falacy of logic and define a workable compromise.

The question is, what do I get as a payoff for being late? What are the consequences? And, as the infamous quote from pop "psychologist" Dr. Phil would say, "how is it working for you?" Well I would say I'm not sure (payoff), stress and negative feedback from others (consequences), it is not (working for me!), but I won't give up hope that the solution is out there for me to find. Thank goodness God is not finished with me yet! I still have a lot of refining to do...