Optimist vs. Realist

"The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails." -William Arthur Ward

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Today was a day for adjusting the sails. A healthy dose of reality was delivered regarding our Book Club Christmas party. Apparently, the location of our annual celebration was not changed to a home that is more accessible. It will be held, as originally planned, at the home of a member who's home is not accessible. My choice is to bring and use my manual chair or not come since I can't always get there anyway. I know it's difficult to understand the issues...that it is uncomfortable to be in my manual chair for long periods of time, plus the logistics of loading it, transferring into it, and being hefted up the stairs by my friends with various physical and health problems that should not be challenged by lifting me and my chair. Besides concern for their health and safety, it is embarrassing for me.

I believe it is time for me to move on to something that does not require an accessibility conversation before each meeting. Their lives will be much less disrupted and I can stop beating myself up for not being a consistent attendee. This group has been wonderful to me and tried so hard to adjust to include me in regular meetings. They also have been so generous. Last year they gave me a gift of a year's worth of monthly housekeeping because they knew I was having trouble doing everything myself. It is time to adjust my sails and allow the sun to set on this activity. Who knows, maybe once my house is built, I might be able to rejoin and host the meetings there. Time will tell. For now, it will be a fond farewell.

Half Empty vs. Half Full

"I cannot bear it!" said the pewter soldier. "I have shed pewter tears! It is too melancholy! Rather let me go to the wars and lose arms and legs! It would at least be a change. I cannot bear it longer! Now, I know what it is to have a visit from one's old thoughts, with what they may bring with them! I have had a visit from mine, and you may be sure it is no pleasant thing in the end; I was at last about to jump down from the drawers." - Hans Christian Andersen

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Sometimes tears come from nowhere. They surprise me. They are unexpected, especially on a particularly good and busy day. I am reminded of the story of 'The Old House' by Hans Christian Anderson and the two pewter soldiers. In this story, there is an old house owned by an old man situated in the middle of homes that were new or updated. This old man refused to change his house and the townspeople did not understand.

A little boy in the village had two pewter soldiers and asked that one be delivered to the old man who seemed so very lonely. The old man was touched and asked if the young boy could come to visit him. The young boy befriended the old man and had the rare privilege of seeing the old house and the pewter soldier through the eyes of the old man as he shared a glimpse of the memories present in the house. The old man's memories and stories were triggered by the young boy's gift, for the old man had a pewter soldier when he was a young boy.

This story speaks of how easy it is for judgment to be passed because of the narcissitic nature of being human. On a day like today, I am very aware of what is different now and, perhaps, those random tears represent a little 'leftover grieving' stimulated by observing the ease with which others accomplish tasks that seem monumental now. Or, perhaps the tears come as a quiet celebration of the gift of time and ability I have been given in spite of the physical toll recognized as this day comes to a close. Half empty or half full? The choice of perception is mine, just as it was for the little boy.

Prejudice vs. Acceptance

"Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices - just recognize them." - Edward R. Morrow

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Regardless of the amount of acceptance of one's self, others see you through their own experience. I became very aware of this at the Abilities Expo in Atlanta. My daughter and I met a perfectly charming man in a wheelchair much like mine. We talked in the food court area as we ate our late breakfast on our first visit to the Expo.

We saw the same gentleman on the next day and talked to him at one of the vendor's booths. I returned to a vendor that makes a walker that I wanted to try out at the Expo with the thought that it might provide a safe way for me to practice walking at home without being afraid of falling. It has a harness that catches your body if you begin to fall and provides a safe way to rest while walking or, as in my situation, if I have one of my scary abdominal spasms.

Our new friend came by as I was trying to stand in the device and said, "what are you doing!!!???" I stood up with the support of the second step device to show him. He immediately rode off with another person and did not speak to me again. I wondered if he felt misled by my wheelchair and our discussion about why we each needed a chair. I encountered a similar response in the other direction from another vendor. He challenged my use of a power chair over a power assist manual chair.

As I mentioned earlier, each person acts or judges from their own viewpoint and personal experience. I hope that I do not come across as judgmental to others who have disabilities. I believe that there are many 'right' ways to deal with the challenges we each face and that one has to develop a strong sense that what is right for them, might not be right for someone else. Only the person inhabiting their body knows the specifics that have contributed to their choices..."I live in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me here"...

What Was vs. What Is

"Metamorphosis is a biological process by which an animal physically develops after birth or hatching, involving a conspicuous and relatively abrupt change in the animal's bodystructure through cell growth and differentiation." Wikipedia

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Little did I know that the unusual, smooth, tricolor caterpillar my daughter and I caught and placed in a jar with grass, leaves, and a twig would transform into one of the most beautiful butterflies, a Monarch, before our very eyes! Imagine the wonder of watching this process from a child's eye view. It was magical and a memory that we still talk about from time to time. She was so excited to see the gorgeous butterfly spread it's wings for the first time and soar from the jar to the freedom of the blue skies!

I remember her anxiety when the caterpillar vanished into a bright green chrysalis and how she watched the chrysalis day after day, wondering if it was still alive One day she noticed the chrysalis was clear. She could see something orange and black scrunched up inside. "Can we open it", my daughter asked, "so it can get out?" I told her that we had to wait until the butterfly was ready to get out by itself, explaining that if we helped it out too soon, it would not be strong enough to live and fly up into the sky.

The most exciting time finally arrived. The clear covering was moving as the butterfly struggled to free itself. Lara was trying so hard to be patient while she watched this miracle of nature. As the butterfly wiggled out with wet, folded wings, she asked again, "now? can we help it now?" "Wait just a little bit longer while it dries and unfolds it's wings, then you can open the jar so it can fly!" I replied. The time came and she opened the jar, letting the beautiful butterfly emerge and take flight.

As I reflect on this experience, it parallels closely the healing process after a traumatic injury... the process I have been going through. The ability to emerge and 'fly' is the product of a time of confinment, struggle, and patience, building the strength to accept and embrace the change from 'what was' to 'what is'.

Work vs. Relaxation

" The man in the moon laughed at him; the stars winked at each other as if delighted at the Woggle-Bug's plight, and a witch riding by on her broomstick yelled at him to keep on the right side of the road, and not run her down.

But the Woggle-Bug, squatted in the bottom of the basket and hugging his precious parcel to his bosom, paid no attention to anything but his own thoughts."

The Woggle-Bug Book by L. Frank Baum (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/21914/21914-h/21914-h.html)

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The full moon in the crystal clear sky last night revealed a 'man in the moon' face that appeared to be laughing. I wondered what was so funny, then looked around. I saw the rows of head lights and tail lights, like scurrying ants, on the highway and lined up at each entrance and exit ramp and imagined the moon laughing at the rush everyone was in to get who knows where.

This was an interesting observation, tainted by my current struggle to discern the answer concerning how to make choices to maintain important friendships and activities while allowing time for necessary personal care, exercise, and every other day to day responsibility. Learning how to pick and choose what to do with expanded time needs for everything I do and limited energy stores is the challenge. Oh, yes, and the all important downtime to relax and do nothing. I have become acutely aware that relaxation is something I have to work at now....does that sound like an oxymoron? Work to relax...no wonder the moon appeared to be laughing, laughing at my predicament and the 'Woggle-Bug's plight'!!!