Mistakes vs. Madness

"There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings, given to us to learn from." - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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I have been struggling with worsening depression and frustration about its lack of improvement. Nearly two weeks ago, as a result of several coincidental factors, I ran out of my prescription antidepressant. The thought occurred that this might be a good time to discontinue the medication since I was not really feeling any improvements. I asked myself why I should keep taking a medication that, obviously, was not helping to relieve my symptoms.

Not one of my most intelligent decisions!!! I thought I was doing ok, but started noticing that I was becoming intensely impatient, irritable, unable to concentrate on anything productive, and so on. Additionally, I experienced three migraines almost back to back - highly unusual for me. I might have a migraine once every three to six months, not three in a week.

OK, I told myself, it is time to take some action to get my antidepressant prescription refilled and that it could not wait until my doctor returned in another week. Mission accomplished. I was able to get a refill and paid the pharmacy to overnight the medication. When it arrived, I noticed that the refill was again a different brand of generic medication and went online to verify that it was what had been prescribed.

I noticed that the generic I received last month was impossible to find through my online resource. I remembered looking up last month's generic and noticing a dose difference - 200mg instead of my dose of 300mg. I brushed it off as a typo and continued taking the medication. I kept digging online and finally found the medication from last month and it was listed as a 200mg tablet. As I consider this whole situation from a global viewpoint, I can now see what happened and why I have been feeling so terrible these last few days.

I have been underdosed for the past two months and then made a decision based on the lack of relief experienced on the lowered dose that the medication was not working, so why take it? My nurse self is giving me a lecture about common sense right now!!! No wonder my feeling of depression has deepened! Yes, I'm seeking help, but this snafu communicates to me that, at least for right now, I need this medication.

Lessons learned - I will seek a second opinion and review of meds before ending a medication cold turkey. I know better than this! Additionally, I need to listen to my body! It was trying to tell me that something was wrong. And finally, I will continue to watch my generic refills even more carefully and question every change. Advocacy starts here!!!