Growth vs. Stress

"The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher." - Thomas Henry Huxley
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Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) vs. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)


The interesting question posed on the "On Healing" community forum by Dr. Dan Gottlieb (Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation website) this week addresses the phenomenon of Post Traumatic Growth, in contrast to the more commonly addressed issue of PTSD. Dr. Dan asked forum participants to share their thoughts on the subject, both positive and negative. I have been pondering this question for several days and will attempt to share from my perspective.

I remember vividly hearing my physicians and attorneys discussing my "catastrophic" injury. Catastrophic...hmmm, "what are they talking about?", I remember thinking. To me, this injury was just another challenge in what had been a long series of unfortunate events. Of course, to the people uttering these words, the visible nature of my spinal cord injury was the only part of my life experience in their awareness.

Only I knew about the troubled thirty two year marriage left behind four years before my accident, the nearly successful suicide / homicide attempt by my husband the day after I asked for a divorce, my grandson's birth during the same time in which my then husband was in the hospital recovering from his injuries, the untimely death of this grandson at seven weeks of age from SIDS, my ex-husband's second suicide attempt, my daughter's spiraling down bipolar psychopathology after her son's death, two home break-ins, four moves, and three job changes.

What have been the take-aways from literally losing everything, including nearly losing my life during this protracted eight year period of time? I will start with the positives because they are the first things that come to mind. It will take a little longer to consider the growth inhibitors / stressors.

Faith. I have learned that some things are not controllable and now know that I will be cared for regardless of where life's circumstances place me. From the moment I realized that I was going to be crashed into, as I prayed out loud, I knew I would be taken care of. I remember hearing the words "it doesn't matter". My interpretation of that phrase was that whatever happened, it would be ok...and it was.

Life is Precious. There are no guarantees in life. Life itself is tentative at best and can end at any given moment. How has that changed the way I live? I say I"I love you" much more frequently than before my accident. Every time my youngest daughter or I leave to go anywhere, we always say "I love you" and "be careful".

Kindness of Others. My family and friends were treated with unbelievable care and kindness by total strangers. Every difficult situation requiring help, it was there.

Patience. Waiting has become a way of life for me until recently when I resumed driving. Waiting for transportation, appointments, return telephone calls, obtaining new or needed equipment, learning new ways to do things, for my changed and often uncooperative body.

Compassion. For others and myself along with a deeper understanding of how disabilities impact those who have them. Also for those who do not really understand the full impact of disability and are able to see life only through their own eyes.

Forgiveness. I don't believe most people awaken with an intention to kill or injure another human beings. Bad things happen in every human life and forgiving those who may have caused an accident or injury frees up personal energy for healing. Remaining in the past or becoming bitter hurts the grudge holder rather than punishing others.

Gratitude. Every day for the recovery I have been blessed with and for friends and family who love me and that I love.

Grief and Sadness. Grief over losses and sadness that may follow as massive emotional and physical adjustments are made are a blessing in disguise - they open up space for necessary change. To quote a phrase from the 70s production "Free To Be, You and Me" - "It's ok to cry, crying gets the sad out of you."

Love. Life is unpredictable and fragile. It is important to let others know what they mean to you at every opportunity.

Resilience and Persistence. Giving up is not an option even when it appears exceedingly attractive. Turning the impossible into possible is only accomplished by bouncing back from bad things and working hard to overcome, accept, or adapt to continuous change.

Mindfulness. Focusing on the present moment and appreciation of surroundings is a blessing that I frequently overlooked in my former, hurried, multitasking life. I am able to take the time hear and appreciate others' life stories more fully since my accident.

Adaptability. I am amazed at how the body adapts to massive changes and continues to function and how creative people can be at finding new ways to accomplish tasks.

Now, the negatives / stressors (growth inhibitors):

Feeling overwhelmed
Physical challenges and changes
Disgust and procrastination of B&B care
Role and identity losses
Limitations
Unpredictability of body
Failed expectations
Needing help
Lost dreams

I am certain that I have left out things, but this is a beginning...