Independence vs. Dependence

Independence Day, 2009

"Independence? That's middle-class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth." - George Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion, 1912
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The issue of independence and dependence surfaces at some point in time for every tetraplegic, complete or incomplete, regardless of functional recovery. Shaw's quote from Pygmalion really speaks to interdependence. As a newly injured tetraplegic, these concepts merge into being simply dependent on others for survival and healing. For some, recovery means remaining dependent for life. For some, it means gradual recovery of some independence by feeding oneself or interacting with caregivers to establish a daily schedule. Others may resume a great deal of independence by finding ways to do things differently. Regardless of the degree of functional recovery, the issue of dependence on others resurfaces, sometimes, several times a day.

I was so excited to finally have a vehicle to drive! For the past three and a half years I had been almost totally dependent on public transportation to get to physical therapy and doctors' appointments. My power wheelchair became my transportation for grocery shopping once my caregivers were eliminated. I soon discovered that having a new mode of transportation required a whole new skillset and reverting back to dependence at times during the process. Each time I drove my tango red freedom machine, new challenges presented themselves.

For example, the first time I made a deposit at the credit union drive-through, I discovered that it was hard to grasp the deposit container without dropping it on the ground beside my car. The first time I dropped the container, I thought "Oh, yeah, I can't walk!" "How am I going to pick it up?" Just as I picked up my reacher and was trying to figure out how this would work, a woman in the car next to mine offered to pick it up for me. Dependence again!

This same day, my SUV needed gas. Next challenge! Which side is the gas cap on? How far away from the pump should I park? How much room do I need to allow for my ramp? Would I be able to open the gas cap and handle the pump handle? What about the debit card slot? Is it reachable from my chair? I parked a little close, but it worked. Everything else worked ok. I was so proud of myself! It doesn't pay to get an inflated head!!! I failed to pay attention to the power level on my chair. As I tried to drive up the ramp into my van, the power lights started to flash and my chair came to a stop halfway. Now what?

I looked around the area for someone who might be able to help. A man two rows over saw me and came to ask if he could help. He stepped up on the ramp and pushed my chair as I summoned what power was left and was able to get my chair into my vehicle. I felt so embarrassed, but he quickly let me know that it was no big deal. His college roommate was a paraplegic and he was used to helping him out from time time. Another round of dependence, softened by kind words of understanding.

I am certain these examples will not be the last that I experience in which I will have to ask for or rely upon the kindness or help of others. It is amazing to me that caring people seem to always be around when I need help. Without faith that this is true, I would not be able to continue my quest for as much independence as possible. I feel like I have to surrender the interdependence Shaw speaks of. What can I possibly have to offer my able-bodied rescuers on this experimental journey?