Circumstance vs. Containment Leak

"What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you." - Wayne Dyer

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As I rode home from the mailbox in my wheelchair with my little dachshund, Rebel, on his leash, I felt a wave of anger welling up as I rolled along, grabbing my attention away from the warm, summer night, the bright moon, sparse clouds, stars , and sound of crickets and locusts. I've noticed over the past few months that I feel angry over things that normally would just roll off my back.

My back was hurting from using my broken, new wheelchair and I had just discovered that my vendor's adjustments on my old wheelchair made it so slow that it took more than 30 minutes to pick up my mail and it would barely climb any incline. I used this wheelchair for my primary means of transportation for three years. It was never this slow! The smallest things are so frustrating. I find myself thinking, "can't anyone do things right the first time!" In the background, conversations from the day are adding fuel to the fire.

During the day, I spoke on the telephone with the financial aid departments of my youngest daughter's current school and the college she is transferring to in the Fall, only to find that both departments needed our signatures on our e-filed tax returns (government educational loan requirement). Wonder when they were going to contact me? They had tried to do so, through my daughter's current school email that she doesn't check when not in class in the summer and by mail which I hadn't been able to check since my chair was broken and back was so flared up.

Then, there was the company that I have been using for years to supply vitamins and supplements I use regularly. I have never had a shipment issue before this current order. I placed the order on June 8th and yesterday was June 22nd. I contacted the customer service department three times by email and once by telephone. No response by email in spite of their "policy" of responding within 24 hours. The telephone operator was young and inexperienced and rude, implying that the shipment issues were my problem.

So...Wayne Dyer's words ring true. The tipping point has been reached! I would like to believe that this well of angry feelings comes from the happenings of the day, but for crying out loud, this stuff happens to everyone! On some level, I recognize that the compartment that has contained my anger from lost dreams and hopes for this time in my life may have been protected by the covering of denial. Perhaps today's anger and tears are a mixed bagged as the containment cover slips away and circumstances squeeze.

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(NOTE: Discovered today, Friday, 6/25/2010, that my usual troubleshooting mentality was blocked by my lowered frustration set point. I simply forgot about the secondary control that affects speed - a small knob that when twisted clockwise, increases speed. My oversight, however, my little dog Rebel is probably secretly thankful! The walk to our mailbox is a pretty long one for his little minature dachshund legs.)